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I had stacked all the pieces of myself neatly in order
Determined never to crumble again
Hard and rigid
Cold and unfeeling
Along came a wild and free,
Erratic and elusive, breeze
A friend who's company I knew I could enjoy
And soon I let my structure sway with ease
How was I to know
This little wind could effect me so?
To intrigue and enchant
To entice me to loosen my lattice
I still don't know where the spark came from
But I tried desperately
To keep the fire from starting
The breeze is my friend, I thought frantically
But the fire caught and held
Consuming me until I gave in
Wanting and willing
My wispy friend to feed the reaction
But it burned too brightly
Too hot and fast
Blinding us both
Leaving only brittle ash
I tried to negotiate the dying embers
I hadn't meant for the fire to start at all
I tried to put the burnt pieces back together
Only to crumple the charred remnants all the more
In the absence of
Any reassurance
I assumed the worst
Giving into despair
The flames had destro
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 1 0
Pi Day 2015
It doesn’t matter if you
Enjoy it with coffee or tea,
As long as you eat your pie at
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 1 2
Simple concepts
For simple minds
Jump at shadows
Run and hide
Could know the truth
Better to assume
Make yourself angry
Locked in a room
Common actions
Hidden meanings
You imagine
Countless details
Against your few
The irony
Is lost on you
To your conclusion
When there could be
A resolution
Everything is
But you have to be
How could the blind
Ever see what's here?
How could a square
Comprehend a sphere?
There is no conspiracy
Only complexity
There is no tragedy
Only irony!
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 3 0
Open Cage Doors
East Coast Bird, make no mistake,
What happened here was anything but fake!
Remember the careless flights, however late,
Around the cities, the woods, and the lake.
Remember, never forget,
The frigid waters under the Great Lake sunset.
Remember the lazy days, the tasty treats,
The tribal paint of carbon streaks.
I won’t clip your wings, or keep you caged,
You’ll fly free before you’re too aged.
So take these crumbs from my chest,
To give you strength and peaceful rest,
And fly home to protect the park lands
From those with harmful hands.
Watch out for hunters and black bears,
And know that your would-be captor cares.
Study the plants, and the animals, too
But whatever else you do,
Don’t hate me because I know
When it’s time to just let go.
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 6 11
Pull all the blades out
Remove all the world’s daggers
Every one
       Bleed out
       Let it all flow out of you
       Every drop
               See all your ignorance
               All your pain
               Every mistake
                       See all the hate
                       All the cruelty
                       Every lie
                               Let it all leave you
                               Let it all flow away
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 5 3
The Key
Lament about how you need to get free!
Oblivious to the fact,
That you put the shackles on yourself!
Then marvel at how you can’t find the key!
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 6 2
They're all so asleep,
They cannot even process,
One who is awake!
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 8 2
Just Human
I am not a saint,
And I am not a sinner.
I am just human.
Do not deify.
There's no need to vilify.
We all make mistakes.
We've all done what's right.
We've all done the wrong thing, too.
It is called living!
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 8 4
I am a shadow.
Occasionally noticed,
And then forgotten!
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 12 13
Silent Presumptions
Alien on this planet.
Not what they’re looking for,
Not what they’re looking for,
Not what you’re looking for!
Read my words,
Love my words,
Respond to my words,
I’ll disgust you without a word!
Isolated boy,
Fighting off physical sickness.
Isolated man,
Now has emotional sickness!
Statue’s cold beauty,
Feelings perceived to match.
Brain leads the heart,
Brain protects the heart!
Anger complete strangers!
Unintended, nonverbal, cues.
Unintended, nonverbal, clues?
Smiles and glittering eyes,
Wither to scowls!
Abandoned and ostracized,
Abandoned by the ostracized!
It's not the things I've said!
It's the things I've never said!
Words can kill!
Silence decays!
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 5 3
I’m still hurting,
Still regretting…
My indecision.
Plagued by a storm of ‘what-ifs?’
And ‘what-could-have-beens?’
There’s no closure here,
No answers to my countless questions,
Well, except one:
Who’s to blame?
I’m a coward, you see?
You can prompt me,
And I’ll still keep quiet.
Happiness one action away…
Met with trepidation!
Let me hesitate!
Let me vacillate!
So I can cry about it later,
Soak myself in sad songs and ethanol,
Hide my true feelings,
And pretend to a victim.
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 9 5
Just air
The space in my arms,
Which you used to occupy,
Is now filled with air.
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 10 0
I'm a narcotic.
They do enjoy using me,
But then they must quit.
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 8 7
Little Tragedy
The snow just keeps falling,
And so do I.
Still can't get over this,
No matter how I try.
Despite all my reason and rationality,
I fall for a little tragedy,
Plagued by nightmares and anxiety,
Tired blue eyes, full of melancholy.
Many surprises in the situation.
The interest and infatuation,
The sudden openness and passion,
The tacitness and expulsion.
I kept wishing for things to turn around.
The brain knows while the heart believes.
But autumn pressed on,
And my hopes died with the leaves.
Now, the intense heat of her bedroom kiss,
Is contrasted starkly,
By the snow all around me.
Still, her shoulder was immensely colder.
The byproduct of so much irresponsibility,
Making me feel as though I'd lost everything.
In the end,
It was just a little tragedy.
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 8 8
Every moment
Is the perfect time to change
The rest of your life
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 9 7
Who You Are
You should embrace who
you are, because it is all
that you truly have.
Your loved ones can die.
Lovers can leave you behind.
Possessions can burn.
Friends can change and go.
People can betray your trust.
Your wealth can be lost.
All that you have is
all that you are. All that you
have is who you are.
:iconmistertotality:MisterTotality 8 5


The Finale
This is it. The last semester of graduate school. I should start by outlining what has happened since last time.
Since September of 2016 many members of the cosplay club became less reachable, and the interest in research was waning dramatically. Hand in hand, their fire was dying. Finally in March of 2017 a critical blow was struck when I made a terrible mistake in my research. I could not take the depression and anxiety of this situation if it meant 2 more years (by my adviser's estimate). Confidence hit an all time low, and I committed myself to going to counseling and taking medication for depression. After some debate with my adviser, I switched from PhD student to Masters. I felt as though teaching was a far smoother career option. Both of us could tell I was having consistent difficulty with research. We decided to have me write up whatever research we have for the thesis. After 2 months since the cataclysm I was able to construct 99% of the master's thesis. Starting in June thr
:iconscisyhp:Scisyhp 1 2
long overdue holiday by raikoart long overdue holiday :iconraikoart:raikoart 5,881 107 Aurum, Gen Con 50 Golden Dragon by SteveArgyle Aurum, Gen Con 50 Golden Dragon :iconsteveargyle:SteveArgyle 359 20 Because it felt good... Upd: GIVEAWAY by Inna-Vjuzhanina Because it felt good... Upd: GIVEAWAY :iconinna-vjuzhanina:Inna-Vjuzhanina 1,247 128 Wonder Woman Diana Prince by Lestatuti Wonder Woman Diana Prince :iconlestatuti:Lestatuti 14 0 MERCY : YouTube! by rossdraws MERCY : YouTube! :iconrossdraws:rossdraws 7,470 138 Art Nouveau Azula by flockenschnitte Art Nouveau Azula :iconflockenschnitte:flockenschnitte 28 3 La Femme by NathanElhanan La Femme :iconnathanelhanan:NathanElhanan 48 0 Lorenz by evilskills Lorenz :iconevilskills:evilskills 11 3 Riddleform by SteveArgyle Riddleform :iconsteveargyle:SteveArgyle 398 28 Witchsonas by Despereaux-7 Witchsonas :icondespereaux-7:Despereaux-7 12 6 Leviathan by sandara Leviathan :iconsandara:sandara 5,504 167 Searching by sariruoskanen Searching :iconsariruoskanen:sariruoskanen 21 4 Never-ending story by Mystic-Oracle Never-ending story :iconmystic-oracle:Mystic-Oracle 132 19 Wonder Woman Cosplay - Ready for battle! by TineMarieRiis Wonder Woman Cosplay - Ready for battle! :icontinemarieriis:TineMarieRiis 176 10 Real Life vs Wonder Woman by TineMarieRiis Real Life vs Wonder Woman :icontinemarieriis:TineMarieRiis 246 18



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So, I suppose an update is long overdue!  After all, I didn't write a single journal in 2013!

Well, first off, the greatest geek holiday you've probably never heard of is upon us!  March 14th is no less than :iconpiplz:-day (since in the United States we always put the month before the day, March 14th is 3.14), "Talk Like a Physicist Day"… and Einstein's Birthday !  So let your nerd flag fly free today!  Learn something new about physics, math, and/or astronomy.  Make a reference to your wave-function… , or virtual particles… .  If you'd like to keep it simple, you could just have an iced coffee and think deep thoughts, as Einstein liked to do.  It's all in the spirit of March 14th!  Apparently, I won't need to do anything out of the ordinary!

Secondly, I've recently passed a number of important milestones in my life.  As of last June, I've been out of college/university for the first time in 8 years, having finished my most recent pair of degree programs.  Life has been very interesting in the last year, to say the very least!  There have been a lot of ups and downs, but I'm definitely enjoying the added freedom of not constantly being in either class or at work.

Lastly, it appears that I'm becoming a writer, of sorts.  When did this happen?!  It just kind of happened!  I've never experienced inspiration to draw or paint or sculpt, but I have been struck with the inspiration to write several times.  On a few occasions the urge was so strong that it keep me up at night, and I had to get out of bed and just write!  Now I understand what artists mean when they talk about the need to create.  I also understand what they mean when they talk about the flaws in their own work, the flaws others don't see because they only see the finished product and not your original intent.  I've experienced the bizarre sensation of starting with an idea, only to have it turn into something else entirely.  So, all of my artist and writer friends, for the first time in my life I have an idea of what it's like to see the world through your eyes.  It really is a different way of seeing the world.
  • Reading: Gravitation and Spacetime (Ohanian/Ruffini)
  • Watching: Frozen
  • Drinking: Dihydrogen monoxide


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Saru-Cosplay Featured By Owner May 26, 2017
Panda Emoji-31 (Hello) [V2] Thank you so much for the watchkaomoji set 2 28/67
If you are interested in my cosplays, you can follow me here:… Wiggly text - Thanks
MisterTotality Featured By Owner May 29, 2017
It's no problem.  I appreciate good cosplay.
Orphen5 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Merry Christmas and Happy new year :heart:
MisterTotality Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2016
Thanks, buddy!  And all the same and best holiday cheer to you!
Orphen5 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday  :love::heart: Hope you will have a fantastic day
MisterTotality Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2016
You're much too kind to me!  Thanks again, Ahmad!
Intro71292 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
All the best. :party::hug:
MisterTotality Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2016
Thank you very much!
Intro71292 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope you had a great day. :aww:
Moonspire Featured By Owner May 2, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favorites! Really glad you liked my Tomb Raider cosplay. :)
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